Finding Solace in Choices we can't Choose


My heart is fierce; it calls in the demands that other must haste to fulfil. The yearning of wanting things to go my way, the refusal of acceptance when I am not satisfied, the discretion of my existence, the mementos of my favourite memories.

There are humans who explore satisfaction and get wise with time just to feel regrets while dying, and there are humans who exist in the will of dying someday, then there are humans who would do anything to live up to the day they can die peacefully with no remorse.

What if I had a different purpose, what if in another timeline I have a different life, which counts for infinite lives in the matrix of time. My heart feels an ache, ache of never knowing the conclusions of all what if's, ache of 'we only get to live once' and the time keeps running out but also being tired of even one life.

Our current age can only let us do few things at once, and most things are left to mourn. How can I stay here with my family as 20-year-old before the life takes them away from me but also wish to run away from my country to a place where I begin my 20 financially independent and just my responsibilities to take. How could I be popular in school as a 15-year-old but also wish to take only 3 people outside with me without any drama the entire school phase. How could I start learning to dance at an early age so that I would be right now where I dreamed to be but also leave it up to my future self and just be a child. How can I wish for my 30-year-old self to have a dream job but also wanting to do multiple things I love at the same time. How can I want for my 35-year-old self to start a family and be stable at a place but also wish to keep travelling until I can.

We fear declaiming our 'what if's' as the reality might hurt more when even the walls of our home know about our other worldly desires. Our mind protects those dreams into a tight fist that might break you, if you let it.

How can I do two worldly apart things at once, more precisely why do I even wish for two or more things at a time knowing the reality, knowing the surroundings, knowing the ache of 'what if's'.

That’s the beauty of being human, always wanting more but still aiming for peace. 

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